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Sunday, March 17, 2013

Balancing Your Friends and Your Boyfriend

Before you know it, your boyfriend can become your entire world in college.  On the same campus, with similar classes, friend groups, etc., this can develop even if your relationship lacks the emotional connection to back it up.  The important thing is: NEVER forget your best friends for your boyfriend(s).  College boyfriends come and go, but your friends stay with you forever.  Here are a few easy ways to keep both sets of people in your life and have the best college experience you can:
1. Keep old traditions with your friends.  If that means pregaming together in a suite you always did before, lunch on Wednesdays, texting after a hard test, etc.  - keep it.  There may be some traditions you drop off for your boyfriend, but the more you can maintain that special connection with your friends, the more they will feel valued.  Let them know you have time and interest in them just like you always have.

2.  Set parameters with your boyfriend from the start.  It's easy to run away with your feelings for your partner, but don't be afraid to mention plans with your friends or talk about how much they matter to you.  In fact, both of these are very important to your own health and that of your relationship.  Your boyfriend needs to know that he is coming into a life that's already developed with other people that care about you.  Setting the tone from the start that you need your friends as well as a boyfriend will help you maintain your best friends from the get-go. 

3. Find ways to include your boyfriend and best friends in the same scenario.  Combining friend groups, studying together, getting meals together, watching movies, going to concerts, etc. can be a great ways to prevent isolating yourself from others besides your boyfriend, keep your friends involved in your life, let your boyfriend see why your friends matter, allow your boyfriend to learn more about you from observing you with your friends, and make sure nobody feels excluded and can share time with you equally.  That being said - don't force it or spend all your time with your boyfriend when you're in this type of setting.  Balance is key, that's the point.

4. Never forget how important it is to have strong, platonic relationships.  This could mean something different to everybody, but I promise that, in the end, there's no way to replace having different people in your life that love and fulfill you in different ways. 

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