Vacation Flings

I'm spending this whole summer interning in Costa Rica.  Check out my backyard!

In a place this beautiful, there are bound to be a ton of tourists.  What does that mean? Hot beach babes galore! The local men take advantage of this, and having been here for a week or two I can already offer a few pointers about how to deal with this.

1. Make it consistent! Why not? You're only there for a little while! Call or text him the day after you first meet.

2. Never underestimate the doucheyness of men.  Many of these guys have 1+ girlfriends a week that cycle in as tourists.  They may tell you they love you and act like it, but don't be convinced.

3. Be SAFE.  There are a few guys here that put things in tourists' drinks and take them home.  Don't let that happen to you! Don't be afraid to refuse getting in a car with a driver.  Don't take any drugs.  Just because you're on vacation doesn't mean the same rules don't apply.  You won't regret following them!

4. Don't let your man BE your vacation.  You probably came with friends and family, so that time should be spent building your relationship and memories with them.

5. Leave it at the airport.  When you go home, he's nothing more than a picture and a few drunken nights :)

Communicating with your crush over summer break

So you hooked up the last week(s) of school...now what?

The best way to handle communication during summer is to let him take the lead.  It's hard to know how much he would like to text/call/etc., so just give it some time and feel it out.  However, it's not bad to text him once or twice to see if he's into it and let him know you are, but if he doesn't take it from there then it's probably best to only talk once a month or whenever your paths collide (physically or digitally).

Best to not make anything awkward over the summer and act too interested if it turns out you guys don't have a great connection anymore in the fall.  Just see how it goes but in the summer less is usually more!

The Dreaded "What are we?" Conversation

If your guy is making you feel like this ^^ on the regular, it may be time to have a conversation about what's actually going on between you two.  This is usually a conversation we, as girls, dread having to bring up.  But - have no fear! Here are some guidelines for approaching the conversation and getting what you want out of it.

The Morning After - College Style

It's Sunday morning and you wake up in a guy's room you don't know all that well, or maybe even at all, and are scrambling to figure out what to do with yourself.  Here are a few tips to guide you through this excruciating situation you definitely didn't have in mind the night before:

1. Above all - be CONFIDENT.  The more cool, calm, and collected you seem about the situation, the more he will respect you and it won't be weird the next time you see him. Easier said than done, but if you can at least pretend you're confident (the, "What, I do this all the time!?" vibe), it'll go a long way for those awkward dining hall run-ins.

2. DON'T cuddle - it's weird.  Don't cuddle with someone unless you actually know them.

3. DON'T linger, but don't be obviously self-conscious about your lingering (5-10 minutes isn't lingering).

4. DON'T put his clothes on.

5. DON'T say things like "last night was fun"... awkward.

HAPPY SPRING BREAK!  Cheers to a break from the stress of school and finally a chance to relax.  Thanks to all of you who have visited and read my posts - hope they have helped! Remember to email me at sexandthestacks@gmail.com with personal inquiries or your own stories (bonus points to those of you with actual sex in the stacks stories!

What I should be doing for Spring Break:

What I'm actually doing:

#savingmoney #relaxing #noskincancer #justgonnakeepontellingmyselfthat

Lingering Texters

Ever found yourself texting a boy (or him texting you), for no apparent reason? Maybe even your ex-boyfriend, someone you don't really like, or hooked up with once, or says nice things to you, or maybe it's just fun! But then why do you get angry when you see him out with other girls? Do you find yourself caring too much and even think it's stupid yourself?

That's texting for ya.  For some reason texting can have this emotional pull that develops fake feelings and plays into our own secret desires for attention and affirmation.  When you find yourself in this situation, think, "Would we be speaking this much if we didn't have texting?" Imagine a world without texting. Would you try to meet up with him, would you enjoy spending time with him if he wasn't constantly giving you digital attention?

This also works for lingering ex-boyfriends.  Don't let your past relationships haunt you by allowing them to stay prevalent in your life through texting.  This distorts the reality - you broke up for a REASON! Texting is not real life.  The incompatibilities, fights, douchey-ness, and all else was why you broke up.

Resist the urge to text with no reason and you'll be happier, more in touch with your feelings, and developing more meaningful, genuine relationships!

Balancing Your Friends and Your Boyfriend

Before you know it, your boyfriend can become your entire world in college.  On the same campus, with similar classes, friend groups, etc., this can develop even if your relationship lacks the emotional connection to back it up.  The important thing is: NEVER forget your best friends for your boyfriend(s).  College boyfriends come and go, but your friends stay with you forever.  Here are a few easy ways to keep both sets of people in your life and have the best college experience you can:

How to avoid drunk texting

This is one of the best tips I have, especially because drunk texting can ruin pretty much everything and anything.  If there's someone you REALLY shouldn't text when you're drunk (ex boyfriend, a guy who was a jerk to you, even a best friend who you're in a fight with, YOUR MOM) follow these steps.


1. Write down their number on a piece of paper before you go out
2. Delete the number from your phone
3. Leave the paper in your dorm room when you head out for the night
4. Give any friends who have the number explicit instructions not to give it to you no matter how hard you beg - seriously.


This way, you still have the number for when you're sober and thinking rationally but you can't do some serious drunken damage.  This has saved me so many times, can't recommend it enough.

College Sex: The Basics

If you took all the batteries from Best Buy, a field of solar panels, and the lightning from nor'easter storms and combined them, then you would understand how charged with sex almost every college campus is.  There are soo many components of college sex to talk about. But, for right now I'm going to keep it to a few of the basics: birth control, when to have sex for the first time with a new guy, and how to keep yourself happy in such an extreme sex/hookup culture.

"Courting" in College

While we all want Noah Calhoun to write us 365 letters and passionately kiss us in the rain, after about about 2 seconds and 1 douchebag in college you realize that's just not going to happen.  For example, this year I had a guy take me on a "date" where he "forgot" enough money to pay for my ice cream and later peed in front of me on a tree in the park.  Uhh...no. (Football player - obviously). That being said, when beginning something romantic with a guy it's important to keep some standards within the casual college setting. This, along with realistic expectations, will keep you happy and still feeling special while getting to know a potential bf.

The Two-Day Rule

  

Scenario:

You're Beyoncé. You're sitting at the bar and all of the sudden Jay-Z seems to pop out of no where and has you laughing and impressing you the whole conversation.  Plus, you found out he's a multi-platinum recording artist too! Such a small world! You're totally obsessed and can't wait to talk to him again.

Problem: 

Despite your accomplishments and good looks, he doesn't text you -__- ... Jay-Z obviously doesn't know he just met the most beautiful woman in the world, or hasn't realized it yet.

Solution:

When you meet a guy and get the feeling there could definitely be something there, but he doesn't text you right away, always follow (what I like to call) the "two-day rule." While there's no reason a girl can't text the guy, you should give him some time to.  But, if he doesn't text you and you absolutely can't wait to speak to him and are DYING to hear from him, wait two days, see if you still feel the same way, and then reach out to him with something fun on the third day.  You could text him with a reference to an inside joke from that night or a funny coincidence related to something you talked about.  

For example, if you met him on Saturday, don't text until Tuesday (afternoon or evening, preferably).  Sometimes they just need a little nudge and confidence you felt the same way (without seeming obsessed). 

Embrace your inner Sasha Fierce and give it a shot!

Busy busy boyfriends

Mission impossible: balancing you and your boyfriends' busy schedules. In any given day you could have classes, lunch & dinner plans, a performance, a sports game, work, a meeting, a hair appointment, or any combination of these. The problem is - your boyfriend does too. 

He's just not that into you :/

I'm just gonna say it. If it seems like he’s not that into it, he’s not.  Girls have this habit of making up any and every excuse possible to explain why he didn’t text back or why he’s not asking to get lunch this week.  If he’s not acting like he’s into you then he just does not have strong feelings.  He might just be oblivious and a more relaxed with girls, but if he’s not making you feel wanted or is really unreliable with making plans then you don’t want him anyway. THE GOOD NEWS is that the sooner you recognize this rather than rationalizing his behavior, the sooner it becomes no big deal and you can move on to the next :)

The texting game. It's a real thing.

What you look like when responding...

    

...What he thinks you look like 

As much as I support being yourself in a relationship, sometimes ya gotta get crafty.  Especially at the beginning when you begin to text someone you have feelings for.  Here are some general guidelines for your first few conversations (conversations to just talk, i.e. "I'm texting Jordan right now," not to meet up, etc. where you might need to be more direct and responsive). Keep these tips in mind and you'll come off as a confident, funny, nice girl to hang out with without seeming like you're trying too hard.

Welcome to Sex and the Stacks!

 

In the college dating world there are no rules. As an in-between stage between high school flings and the formality of the “real” world, it’s easy to get frustrated and lost in your romantic life at school.  That’s where I come in.  With my best friends and sorority behind me, I’ll try to help make sense of this crazy time with inspiration from past and present experiences in the hookup scene and long-term relationships. 

What's the "morning after" protocol? 

How do I avoid fighting with my boyfriend while drunk? 

Does it mean something that I never go on dates? 

I’ll tackle these questions and more :) If you have a specific question please comment and I’ll respond as soon as possible!

Emily xo